Anonymous asked:
Hey how do penises work with pants? Do ppl stick it down a pant leg? How do you choose which one?
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giraffepoliceforce answered:
THERE’S ACTUALLY PLENTY OF FACTORS THAT GO INTO THIS LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
Pants!
Pants come in a variety of styles and sizes and everyone has their own preferences as to what pants they like and how they like to wear them. If you’re wearing your pants lower on your waist or your pants are baggy or have a silly large crotch space you’re less likely to have to to do some interior design when you get dressed.
Penis!
Penises come in all shapes and sizes and that’s rad! Some are bigger and some are smaller and some may lean to one side or bend a bit or whatever. Penises come in more zany variety than Nicolas Cage’s IMDB page and meme library and different penises will fit into pants differently. Also if you happen to have more or less testicles than is usual that will affect things as well!
Various undergarments!
There are like so many different kinds of underwear. So many. And they all handle things differently! Some of them provide more support and some of them let your bits dangle. If you wear tighter underwear it’s more likely to hold things in such a way that you don’t need to maneuver things when you put pants on. Some people don’t wear any underwear at all! And that’s totally cool as long as your junk doesn’t rub against your zipper because that hurts more than rubbing hot sauce on four open wounds.
???
Some days your penis just doesn’t fit into pants very well for no discernible reason! Some articles of clothing fit your penis better than others! Penises do lots of random things that don’t make any sense and how well they do or don’t fit into pants is sometimes one of them.
HOW TO JUGGLE YOUR JUNK
Okay so if your penis needs some maneuvering to fit into your pants there are plenty of options! Plenty of people have different preferences for making their penis work with pants. Whatever people use doesn’t really matter, but you want to find something that is comfortable and that will require minimum adjustment because penises and testicles are rather sensitive to pain and also it’s usually best to not be grabbing your crotch in public. Here are a few options!
Down the pant leg!
I prefer this method because I rarely need to adjust it afterwards and it’s comfortable. I’ve never really thought about how to choose which pant leg to stick it down. I’ve always used the right pant leg, but that’s probably just because I’m right handed. The only downside I really know to this is that sometimes your penis is visible through your pants, but that’s more dependent on the pants then on anything else.
To the side!
Some people prefer to position their penis horizontally in their pants. I don’t really like this one because things tend to move around if you’re standing up and sitting down a lot and prefer my penis to stay in one place once I put my pants on.
Up!
If you’re wearing pants that aren’t baggy it’s possible to position your penis vertically so that your pants hold it in place. I know some people that swear by this method but I’m terrified of it because if you happen to get an erection for whatever reason your penis could poke out the top of your pants like Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day.
There’s probably lot’s more that I’m not thinking of! Plenty of people have penises and plenty of those people wear pants and I’m sure there have been plenty of methods invented over time.
Wait why is this getting notes.
Because there are thousands of people who are confused how penises work in underwear and pants. You saved lives good sir.
This is oddly fascinating. Also “Some days your penis just doesn’t fit into pants very well for no discernible reason!” makes me feel much better about those days when my boobs just will. not. fit in anything.
your penis could poke out the top of your pants like Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day
A post in which I use the word penis almost twenty times has been liked by over 1,000 people what a time to be alive.
I have to admit I really enjoyed this post. It was a good read and I no longer go huhhhhh…more like OHHHHHH.
My job is making me spend money I don’t have on new pants because I am not allowed to wear pants made of stretchy material or pants that are form fitting. I have never been told by a customer that my pants are a “distraction”, “too tight”, or “unprofessional”. Instead, I get several compliments on my way of dress and how neat and professional I look. If i go to any store, all womens pants are made of stretch material and are form fitting. So why do I gotta spend $37 on a pair of men’s slacks in order to appease a sexist corporation policing my body because my manager feels that my pants bring too much emphasis to my ass when I make sure to wear shirts that go well past my ass.
why does “pee your pants” invoke such a stronger and more threatening emotion than your standard “suck my dick” comeback does
it’s nonsexual, it’s not involving the speaker. it’s just an incredible powerful command. pee your pants. lose continence.
what part of pants pissing is not sexual!!??
ex-fucking-cuse me?
damn son vaginas get itchy too and u don’t see us shoving our hands down our pants it’s called self control go find some
Wut?
DAMN SON VAGINAS GET ITCHY TOO AND U DON’T SEE US SHOVING OUR HANDS DOWN OUR PANTS IT’S CALLED SELF CONTROL G O F I N D S O M E
the thank u next video really is a perfect example of how to love yourself. ari really went out after one of the worst years of her life and said “i’m going to write a song thanking my exes and make a music video with all of my friends remaking famous chick flicks because i want to and i DESERVE IT” and then she did it. she truly had the time of her life making this vid and you can tell. we love healing
How do i get better if my meds keep me from wanting to eat anything 😭😭😭 all i can stomach is oatmeal and thats getting blehk after 4 days
broe-v-wade
